


Dating Advice

by Ydnam



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 17:03:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ydnam/pseuds/Ydnam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rumplestiltskin goes to Charming for a little more dating advice before he has his burgers with Belle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dating Advice

Hamburgers were not supposed to inspire fear. A circle of meat between the two halves of a bun should not make a man nervous. Particularly, Rumplestiltskin thought grimly, a man who had once been known the world over as the Dark One. It was embarrassing and he had never been one to deal well with embarrassment. 

He had also never dealt well with being laughed at and the notion of turning the prince before him into something small enough to crush under his heel grew more appealing with every chuckle. He had a soft spot for the lad, yes, but some things were not to be borne.

“You’ve had your fun dearie,” he said through gritted teeth. “Can we move on?” 

“I’m sorry.” Charming’s apology was thoroughly unconvincing. “It’s just…”

“I know,” Rumplestiltskin snapped. “It’s absurd. That being said, you seemed my best option for advice and if you breathe a word of this to anyone I will hunt you down and-“

“No, you won’t. You wouldn’t dare. But a burger? Really?” The mental image of the dreaded Rumplestiltskin on a date with burgers and milkshakes threatened to make Charming laugh again and he attempted to cover it with a cough.

“As I said,” Rumplestiltskin answered, glowering at the man. “Will you help or not?”

“You need to relax,” the prince answered. “Come on Gold, you must have done this before.”

“I haven’t,” Rumplestiltskin said flatly. “I have never…dated.” The word was as awkward coming off his tongue as the idea felt. “And now I’m to be undone by a sandwich.”

“There has got to be something out there more ridiculous than your last chance at love being a hamburger.” Charming shook his head, still smiling. “But I’ll be damned if I can think of it right now.”

He’d had enough. He’d hoped for advice, though why he’d chosen the man who had been David Nolan was a mystery. It wasn’t as if the other man had been all that successful with his own love life of late. “I’m through wasting my time. If you’ll excuse me.”

“Honesty,” Charming said quickly, stepping between the other man and the door. “Like I said before.”

“I did that,” Rumplestiltskin said. “Hence the hamburger. I’m leaving now.”

“So you keep doing it. Gold, Belle’s never done this either. Right?”

“She was betrothed once,” Rumplestiltskin answered. “In the other world. Before I took her away.” Though the man had been an idiot and thoroughly undeserving of Belle.

“Look, she’s probably having the same talk with Ruby right now. You go to Granny’s. You eat your burgers. You talk. You don’t act like an idiot. You don’t lie. You don’t try too hard.”

“You make that sound so easy. Not trying too hard is not easy.” Rumplestiltskin had spent his rather impressive lifespan acting a part that was all exaggeration. Grand gestures were nearly as easy as breathing. Acting human, acting like the man he’d wanted to be before he’d taken the dagger, was infinitely more difficult. “It’s never been easy.”

“Normally,” Charming continued, “I might suggest flowers.”

A humorless laugh escaped Rumplestiltskin. “Rather out of the question now.” He had resolved never to set foot in that cursed flower shop again. Moe French would get no custom from him nor would he welcome it. Rent could be dealt with through the mail and that was just as well for everyone involved. He shook his head and moved towards the exit once more. “I’ll keep this all in mind. Good evening, Mr. Nolan.”

“You’re welcome,” Charming muttered to other man’s retreating back. “And good luck.”


End file.
